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i believe a vast amount of men have next to zero clue about what women undergo when a groom search happens.
most of the men we see in the internet especially in tamil internet are 90s men crying that they can't get a wife. let me talk about the other side.
everytime a girl finishes her UG graduation here (usually in their final years or 1 year after their job, lucky if this happens after PG), the talk of finding a groom for them begins.
even in families where the daughter is adored by both of her parents, the role of the villain is done by the self appointed matchmaker who's more likely to be the next of kin of the father or mother who'll bring up the topic.
it's the beginning of trauma for them. they suddenly become afraid of a lot of stuff. they have to leave to a different place, their freedoms suddenly restricted, they don't know how their in-laws will treat them,
they have been taught by their parents to not talk to any stranger but suddenly the same parents are talking about bundling her to a stranger whom she has barely met/have known.
you'll first be asked to send a pic of yours. or they'll doll you up, take pictures of you like a groom, upload to matrimonial sites, or worse through a broker.
now you'll be forced to choose someone from the pics that they select. that guy will come to your home and you'll be presented before him and his entire family as if a cattle is being presented to be bought.
movies/social media portrayals have made it look romantic, but they are really anxiety filled shit hole days.
woe betide the girl more when the elders themselves will decide that they like the match while they gaslight you into believing that it's the right choice.
the gaslighting will accompany with, "you like him right ? he has everything you wanted in a dream husband, what does he not have. there are literally zero reasons to reject him. isn't so my lovely daughter"?
if they refuse for any reason, they'll ask if you're in a relationship. please tell us so we can atleast get him married to you. nope. that's a trap. worst case? Gaslight and make you breakup. even worse case? do a honor killing like a good chap, do we not?
(not going to get too much into that part of the trauma)
assume the elders decide the match, this is where it gets interesting.
you'll see yourself being traded worse than the weak pregnant cow whose offspring they know nothing about.
the groom's family will dictate what they want. nowadays, the ask for dowry would also be subtle if you are in a tier-1 city. worse if you are in other tier cities. they'll start with - we are asking all of this only for their comfort when starting their new married life right ?
now the main demands start. (taking out the demand from the bride side as it's usually talked)
it's literally a 'TRADE'
and woah. you just became an object who's going to be used. congratulations.
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now if we see the video, i am going to ignore the part where the woman said that she earns only 30k INR and she's confident that it's enough for a family. (let alone tier - 2, it's tough). let's say that she earns.
when she tells the exact same thing that men have been saying to women in the groom searching marketplace, right in the bride's home when they visit,
why is he getting so pissed off? because it freaking hurts. it devalues you as a person. it's a pity and shame that we never look past what happens to us, let alone the next person. empathy is at negative levels.
idk lol. that guy got matched then and there. that's literally the most comfortable life with an amazing spouse that you can ever have.
if my future wife says, jason can you stay in home and look after our kids, while i go to work because i love to work, oh yeah.
i am teaching those kids, playing with them, doing all kinds of weird shit and ensuring that we also clean up the house before momma comes home.
if men really think they are struggling and failing with women, they should first start understanding women.
if there is a man and a woman coming to work to the office
i can bet your ass, that the woman would have faced more troubles, scrutiny, pass more eyes right from getting hired, coming to the job, working, managing in home, personal troubles, etc.,
and would still be expected to give the same performance in work.
i have seen this countless number of times and many times have been a first hand witness to the same.
there are difficulties which are facts that might hurt your emotions.
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